producer | writer
Haunting
Beach towns
In the vacant
Autumn nights
I wonder if my
Footsteps make noise
My passage evaporates
With so much breeze
The chill
My leather jacket and scarf
Collude to make me
Invisible
I pad down the leaf-strewn sidewalks
Wondering if I’m actually
Touching the concrete
Or if I walk elevated across
A cushion of autumnal chill
I roll us over
Onto your back
I look into your eyes
Sky blue crystal
And I tell you how I feel
“I love you.”
And I know it’s true because
I want to cry
You smile and kiss me
“I love you, too, sweetheart.”
And I know I won’t come
And I suspect we’re through
Your phone rings
You let it go to voicemail
“I don’t suppose we can have dinner together.”
“Yeah, I gotta go be Single Dad.”
I take a deep breath
And roll on my back
And stare at the ceiling
For a while you continue to stroke my body
In those long, soft gestures
That would make me purr
If I didn’t know you were
Already gone
“Yeah, you should go.”
And I roll away
The pain in my stomach
The pain in my stomach
Tells me I love you
And tells me
We’re done
My problem is
I want everything
I want to do and
Try and
Taste and
Kiss and
Play and
Touch and
Laugh at and
Laugh with
Everything
I want all the sensations
I want all the experience
All the sights
All the sounds
All the stolen moments
I’m ravenous for it
And I pace and
Pout
And know I also
Would just like a nice
Glass of wine and to
Listen to
The jasmine summer breeze
Tickle my neighbor’s chimes
I wish for You
Grace
I wish for You
Peace
I wish for You
Kindness and sympathy
Softness, rhythm, warmth
I want these things for You
Because I seek them for myself
And I believe if I can get them
For You
I can find them
For me
I wish strong embraces for You
To surrender to
I wish eternal shoulders for You
To lean on
I wish compassionate expressions for You
To tell secrets to
I wish soft, warm hands for You
To feel resting on Your arm
I wish gentle kisses for You
I wish steaming mugs of hot cocoa with little marshmallows for You
I wish these things for You
And I wish them for myself
As I wish them for
The bruised and broken
The lost and lonely
And for those who have merely forgotten
I’m bursting with wishes of these things for all of us
A skipping rock
Lays waste to hordes
On the other side of the world
Dashing thousands in
Its ripples
There were times when I felt,
Arms curled in, pressed to him
Breathing in the skin of his chest
His arm encircling my shoulders
His knee flung lazily over my hip
His sweet breath coming slowly, quietly, evenly
Swaying the loose tendrils of my hair,
That I felt utterly
Loved
And loved him utterly in return
It winds
It comes in and out of focus
It’s my belly that truly feels it
The curiosity
The nausea of impending repercussions
I can’t make myself not do it
I can’t talk myself out of it
I cannot see a reason not to
But, oh, the reasons to
The feel
The sweetness
The mettle of a woman
Is forged in fire
Hammered by adversity.
She rises from the coals
A phoenix fused into
A juggernaut of strength
And grace and accomplishment
She raises everyone around her.
Her laughter teases and cajoles
The best out of the best of the best.
I am not her.
I flinch and stutter.
Loud is too loud.
Bright is too bright.
Splinters gore and gouge
Brushes of sleeves
Sear and rend
I raise no one.
I impart nothing.
I lead only lemmings into the sea
I repulse and annoy.
I may remain merely and constantly
A cautionary tale.