Category: poetry

I wish for You
Grace
I wish for You
Peace
I wish for You
Kindness and sympathy
Softness, rhythm, warmth

I want these things for You
Because I seek them for myself
And I believe if I can get them
For You
I can find them
For me

I wish strong embraces for You
To surrender to
I wish eternal shoulders for You
To lean on
I wish compassionate expressions for You
To tell secrets to
I wish soft, warm hands for You
To feel resting on Your arm
I wish gentle kisses for You
I wish steaming mugs of hot cocoa with little marshmallows for You

I wish these things for You
And I wish them for myself
As I wish them for
The bruised and broken
The lost and lonely
And for those who have merely forgotten
I’m bursting with wishes of these things for all of us

A skipping rock
Lays waste to hordes
On the other side of the world
Dashing thousands in
Its ripples

There were times when I felt,
Arms curled in, pressed to him
Breathing in the skin of his chest
His arm encircling my shoulders
His knee flung lazily over my hip
His sweet breath coming slowly, quietly, evenly
Swaying the loose tendrils of my hair,
That I felt utterly
Loved
And loved him utterly in return

 

It winds

It comes in and out of focus
It’s my belly that truly feels it

The curiosity
The nausea of impending repercussions

I can’t make myself not do it
I can’t talk myself out of it

I cannot see a reason not to
But, oh, the reasons to

The feel

The sweetness

The mettle of a woman

Is forged in fire
Hammered by adversity.
She rises from the coals
A phoenix fused into
A juggernaut of strength
And grace and accomplishment
She raises everyone around her.
Her laughter teases and cajoles
The best out of the best of the best.

I am not her.
I flinch and stutter.
Loud is too loud.
Bright is too bright.
Splinters gore and gouge
Brushes of sleeves
Sear and rend
I raise no one.
I impart nothing.
I lead only lemmings into the sea
I repulse and annoy.
I may remain merely and constantly
A cautionary tale.

And I’m 5 again
And the sunlight is too bright
And the room is unknown
And my father is gone
And my brothers are gone

But my mother is here
But my mother is a stranger
But one brother is here
But that brother is a stranger
But I have my doll
But she sleeps in a suitcase

I don’t know where I am
I don’t know what’s happening
I don’t know when I’ll go home
I don’t know yet that I never will
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
I don’t know yet that this feeling is called dread

He struck like a rogue wave
On a calm sea

Scooping me up
Twisting me

And turning me
Such that I didn’t know which way was up

The swirl of our laughter
Crowded out any bubbles useful to
Follow to the surface

I was strewn on the shore
Drenched, sputtering and coughing

Left to pick the seaweed from my hair
Wipe off the sand stuck to my skin

He was gone as suddenly as
He had arrived

The sea relinquishing no clues to his
Whereabouts

I’m not trying to
Alienate you
His voice
Singes with
Animosity

Absent its usual playfulness

The rise of his eyebrows
Challenges
Instead of inquires

His liquid brown eyes still lull
Even now
Swaying me back and forth
Like the
Gentle
Summer swell

But the set of his perfect mouth is
Hard as marble
Miles away from the silken softness
That so recently lingered on my breast

The set of his shoulders
Once so enticing and encompassing
Is now aggressive and wary
He’s coiled to react in an instant

My shoulders
Slouch with the
Burden of impotence and
Frustration

I can’t find the
Words
To assuage his feelings of
Assault
Or to
Shield myself from his defensive
Strikes

I can’t find
Any words
To accomplish
Anything

He’s erected a
Rampart of ice
Between us

He stands, himself
Frozen, behind it
Defiant to the last

And I
Recoil
Struck
To think I could
Ever
Elicit this response from
Anyone

Drawing us further
Apart

I want
Nothing more
Than to merely
Embrace
Him

Press
Against him and
Melt him
And
Everything
Between us
With just the
Warmth of my
Body