If You Have A Booty Please Apply

 Today In Craigslist:


*Miss “Bottoms” Up Bar Contest $550.00$ (Bellflower)



We are looking for Miss Bottoms Up 2014 –
If you have a Booty please apply. send me pictures to my cell phone. 562-900-XXXX.
we have 3 events to try out for. Plus you will be hired as a waitress if you participate.
Text me only.
I own 3 bars. we need dancers, bartenders and waitresses. Thank You.


compensation: $50.00-$150.00



Secretary Wanted Picture Appreciated



Temp Secretary/ Personal Asst Wanted (Hollywood)


compensation: 25/hr

Writer who works from home seeking temp/part time
secretary-personal assistant when home office gets set up!Must be well spoken, non-smoker, and over 18. Reliable!Say hello with a bit about you! Photos appreciated!

Thank you 🙂

  • do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

**editor’s note: I did not submit to this ad.

Name Credit & Guaranteed Future Work

Writer seeks non-pay assistant to finalize script (Los Angeles)

Experienced writer with two completed script seeks fresh talent and ideas for latest concept speculative.

Chosen assistant will be “no-pay” but will receive name credit and guaranteed future work upon completion. 

**editor’s note: Bullshit. Points for being direct about stealing work and creativity.



TODAY in Craigslist:

Eccentric Thousandaire Adult Child Cult Leader Philanthropist Seeks Pe

(cont.)rsonal AssistantAre you good at things? If you are good at things consider the following offer.

In the interest of full disclosure, the title says it all.

The organization is MK-CULTRA. His name is Pope Kang Tzu XXIII, Holy American Emperror and Protector of the Lesser Nations (Except for Switzerland and it knows why).

Pope Kang needs a personal assistant. As the shadowy leader of a Neodiscordan Ultrachurch, Gift Shop, and Think Tank, he has a lot of responsibilities.

Knowledge of Discordianism is a plus. After all, there are religious sensitivities to be considered. An appreciation of Alan Watts, Terence McKenna, Robert Anton Wilson and similar lunatics is a bonus.

You have to be a motivational and focusing factor. You will be instrumental in helping him build the charity side of the organization. As the title suggests, you will be dealing with an eccentric thousandaire adult child. Patience is probably key.

You need to be comfortable with being on camera and interacting with the public. Pope Kang will be doing public events and working with charities. If you’re into that sort of thing this is for you.

Computer and phone skills are a must. Reliable transportation is crucial. Must be over 21. Must like cats.


This is a part time paid intern position that could lead to full time. Great extra money for aspiring artists. Starting pay is $15/hr.

Please reply with resume.
compensation: $15/hr

internship part-time
non-profit organization

Agent MK5


Pay But Probably No Pay

Today in Craigslist:

Feature or Short Script Needed ASAP (Doable) (los angeles)

I need a script. Badly.

I need a good script though. Not a bad one. A good one.

A funny one, or a regional teen crime dramedy. Either one will do.

I have actors, crew, everything standing by for this script. It will be shot in the next 4 weeks.

Please send it to me. Will you send it to me? Please?

The only requirement is that it’s doable. Thanks

compensation: Pay but probably no pay


Today in Craigslist:

$50 to wear a Bigfoot costume for one hour at my birthday party (Los Angeles / Atwater Village)

I have a big foot costume. Looking to hire someone to wear it at my birthday party for one hour and make $50. Must be tall and willing to dress like a Sasquatch and pose for baller photos.

Please send email with your height and headshot.

Girls Do Sports Too

The date I had the other night, had no hesitation bashing Title IX. His buddy at UCLA lost his scholarship because they cut the crew team to pay for women’s sports.

I suggested that perhaps UCLA could have used some of the football or basketball money instead. He looked at me like I was crazy. “No way! Those are the highest sources of revenue!” Um…

I told him I played volleyball at Mills College and, in fact, that was one of the things that helped me get in there. “Yeah, but,” he started, “that was just intramural.” What? No.

I rattled off a list of all the “legitimate” schools we played. He was dumbfounded. Mills College isn’t a “girls’ school” and women don’t play sports just because there aren’t any baking classes.

‪#‎firstandlastdate‬ ‪#‎1950s‬ ‪#‎butheLOOKEDliberal ‬‪#‎notgettinglaid‬ ‪#‎titleix‬ ‪#‎gall‬‪ #‎whodoyouthinkyouretalkingto‬

Slow Crime Night In Venice Tonight

Got pulled over on my beach cruiser for blowing a stop sign (who stops at stop signs in Venice?! No one, that’s who.) in front of a cop. He looked 15 but I assume he was a full-fledged cop. His belt had lots of stuff on it.

The other cop got out of the car and stood on the curb of “the passenger side” of my bike and used his flashlight to examine the spokes and frame thoroughly for… who fucking knows? He remained “on the passenger side” throughout my ID being called in… as backup?

I wanted to tell them I was hurrying home because I needed to change my tampon because, c’mon, that would have been hilarious! And it was true. But I was afraid I might break them.

‪#‎thuglife‬ ‪#‎ghosttown‬ ‪#‎dogtown‬ ‪#‎oakwood‬ ‪#‎popo

We Are All Sarah Jones

So sounds like they’ve started the memorial service for Sarah Jones the camera assistant who lost her life onset last week. I’m feeling overwhelmed by it. The way the community is coming together is truly lovely. Slates for Sarah has received slate tributes from across North America, Germany, the UK (Downton Abbey!), Argentina, Bosnia, Singapore and so many more… Just amazing.

I think it shows, kinda, the rest of the world the intimacy that is formed on a set. We say it over and over, “family.” But that’s not just bullshit. You grow to love and depend on your coworkers in a way that I can refer to as similar to what I imagine “brothers in arms” to be. No, it’s not war but it’s 60-100 hours a week for months. Sometimes years.